Having to Start Over Sucks But It May Be The Very Thing You Need

Kaye Leah
4 min readJun 26, 2020


You can learn a thing or two in an End Contract Situation

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

There are times when hitting the reset button is a good thing. But just like any other B-side, that reset button can be the total opposite. It can be such a letdown especially when related to employment.

Over a month ago, my contract ended. As a result, clearances are filed. I did just that one Friday morning. It is humbling to fall in line, to wait your turn to go through the exit interview, sign that quitclaim and surrender your employee ID. Thing is, once you turn in those documents, something significant is instantly stripped off from you: being employed.

Knowing that I was technically unemployed is a hard pill to swallow. I had to deal with the reality head-on once I’ve made my way out of that office. I was signing off simply because that date I signed my name next to some time ago dictates it, nothing more, nothing less.

I am aware of all of this. I know how it works. I don’t feel threatened by not having a job, nor am I fussing about it. I know I can get a job anytime I need it, if that job be meant for me, like many times before. But, man, this time around, I keep saying, “What I’d give to get tenure…” — a freelancer’s confession on occasion.

I have a long way to go from saying, “I’m here. I made it.

Far from it…

Like any other fragile human being that faces loss, thoughts and doubts start flooding in. I try my best to hold it together. I started talking to myself, giving assurance that there’s nothing wrong with me, I know I gave that contract my all. But it’s just the way things are: Contracts end, ergo clearances are signed. Life has to go on.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no qualms. I am grateful for the contracts I’ve signed (and will keep signing). Each time I sign a contract I contribute to the institution’s objectives the best I can. I get opportunities to up-skill, gain new perspectives and experiences, be mentored, and most of all, be relevant to the lives of those I work with and work for. I take such accountability seriously.

But, I’m back at square one. I’m starting over (yet again). The main question? — “What now?”

The waiting game comes into play.

I’ve been in this spot more than twice to know that some good comes from being made to start over and wait.

Waiting is a test of character. It results in maturity. In the wait times, we are also able to sift through the so-called dreams and goals we put on our list. We get a clearer picture of what we really want to do and who we want to be. We then become more strategic and more precise with our life choices. We stop second-guessing ourselves.

However, it seems impossible to wait most of the time because as human beings, we feel things. We feel defeat, loss, frustration. We worry. At one critical point, we would need to make a choice: either deal with these emotions or allow them to lord over you.

Whenever I find myself in this spot, I remind myself that anyone can be victorious amidst uncertainty with an understanding of these two words: Grit and Grace.

I shared a post about this on my Instagram feed because I needed a nudge to get back on track:

Grit & Grace: Some days are much like today when I feel I have so much to do but then ultimately end up stupefied, not knowing what to do. Have you ever felt this way, too?… Two words can bring comfort to days like this one: grit and grace.

Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. It is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day-in, day-out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years. And working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” (Dr. Angela Lee Duckworth) Over time, grit separates fruitful lives from aimlessness. (John Ortberg)

Grace, on the other hand, has much to do with living by faith. Each day we have is unmerited favor and what we choose to do with each day of our lives ought to fulfill that future we are to have and strive for. We each have our own purpose and we each are our own selves, no one is the same. We can’t and mustn’t compare. Having a reason why we do what we do and be who we are spells the difference between living from merely breathing.

“To the mark, I pursue for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phi 3:14)

We have our own race to run and it takes both grit and grace to live fully, with purpose. Life truly is a marathon and the journey may even be more important than the destination. ☕️

Even if life has made us wait and face a standstill, we ought to keep fixing our eyes on the prize just like a marathon runner would. Dealing with an End Contract situation is never easy but it is not the end of the world. In periods of transition, change, and loss, it is beneficial to take an inventory of how we have been doing so far. Doing this helps us focus on the bigger picture, recognizing that everything we go through has a purpose.

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Kaye Leah

I write anecdotes as cinnamon & nutmeg for everyday conversations. #kapekaye